I realize it's Sunday so most people's weeks have already ended, but Sunday's always the day I assess how I'm doing. It's hard to day-by-day since I don't do a constant amount of activity each day, so weekly is easier. I spend most of the weekend resting in or out of bed (mostly in) so I judge how rested I feel before the work week starts again each Sunday. Verdict? Well, I usually don't feel completely rested (ie returned to baseline) even at the end of Sunday, but today it's only about 12:30 pm and I feel like I'm at baseline! Hurray. And I feel like the type of rest I need is less intensive than before. Usually I need to rest 6-7 hrs average a day (lying in bed, not moving a muscle) throughout the week, and most of the weekend in bed and I'm super anxious about making sure I do that. Now, I feel less anxious and can spend 15% of that time laying down, but maybe surfing the internet on my laptop and not feeling like I'm taking away from resting. So, yay, progress!
Another thing. Nuvigil. I realize I've been writing up a lot on drugs lately. But this time, it's something my doc from the CFS specialty clinic wants me to take. My appointment with him was about a month ago and I still haven't tried the sample he gave me. I just don't know how I feel about it! Well, that's a lie. I know how I feel. I really don't want to take it. He said it'll help with day-to-day activities plus somehow help me heal. Which I should have followed up on that and asked him how it helps to heal, but somehow missed it in the moment. But from reading about it, it seems like it's just a stimulant, plain and simple, with plenty of side effects (which I'm so sensitive to!). And that doesn't really fly with me. I want something that will help me get my baseline up, but not artificially. Plus I feel like it'll take a whole lot more self-control to not do more with that extra bit of energy, when I probably still shouldn't be doing more since it's fake energy and I'll probably crash just as hard. But on the flip side of that...he hasn't led me wrong yet in the almost 7 months I've been seeing him and I really need to trust somebody at some point. So, don't know. It's been a month of self-torture on this issue and I really should stop and just try it I think. But ooooh, how I don't want to! Drugs scare me.