Thursday, June 24, 2010

Our own worst enemies

It's late and I've had an especially exhausting past few days, so this may be incoherent. But I think in the end we are our own worst enemies. OK, I shouldn't generalize. I am my own worst enemy, how about that. I have really awful self-control when it comes to doing things I know I should do but don't want to. That very much includes resting and taking it easy instead of pushing my limits. I think that is absolutely the hardest lesson to learn for me. But I start to feel the teensiest bit better and get way too excited and shoot off into space. Well, that's highly exaggerated; I WISH! But I do an extra activity here or there when I really should be saving that extra energy (which will then be used to help get better, right...right....wishful thinking!). I mean, the activities are pretty low-key and minimal. It might just mean going to the park and laying out there instead of my bed or having the occasional dinner with my brother, but still! I end up way too exhausted afterwards, making me regret whatever I just did.  I've already come so far in learning to keep my flights of fancy at bay and forcing myself to be more vigilant of my energy expenditure, but I need to do better! How do I do better? I always feel like who I'm really fighting is me. And maybe a little bit of whatever is plaguing my body. :)


Lee Lee said...

haha I know what you mean ... for me that extra activity is doing something like walking out to the mailbox when I should really wait till my friend drops over to do it for me ... You know you shouldn't but you do it anyway!!! stupid hahah ... oh well :-)

upnorth said...

Oh this is by far the worst part of the illness for me. But I think it is completely natural when you start to feel a bit better to do more.

I mean healthy people when they get a cold or flu can push through or take a couple days of rest and when they start to feel better they get back too it.

M.E./cfs is just a backwards disease. It goes AGAINST common sense. We have to hold ourselves back when we start to feel better. I'm 8 years in and STILL messing up, doing too much and often regretting it later. Hang in there! You're not alone trying to figure out how to manage this &*(^%%%^^*^* illness. :)

DolceVita said...

@Lee Lee - it's so hard not to!! There's still some reward in doing those little extra things, because it feels so great to finally be at least LESS of such a lump. But then we pay for it later =/

@upnorth - Thanks! Yeah, it really does go against common sense. I feel like I've had to do some major rewiring of my brain/instincts since getting sick!