Thursday, July 22, 2010

Skipping ahead 5 years

I don't know why I choose to torture myself with these things, but here I am. In my most wonderful wisdom, I decided to look up CFS and pregnancy. It's not looking good, from that article. Granted, low sample numbers, but still. 50% get worse in one study. Yikes.

Ok, not pregnant! Just thinking ahead for what life holds and all those moments in life I thought I'd experience in a 'normal' way once upon a time. When planning out my life, I always thought I'd have kids around 30. By that time I'd have chosen a career, have been somewhat established enough to start a family, and move forward with life. Now...well, now I'm still stuck on that career part. And even that I can't even figure out because I need to focus on getting better. Can't devote any energy to worrying about forging ahead with career options and figuring out that part of my life. And maybe now that part will never get figured out anyway. I'm starting to feel like I'm going to have to set some serious priorities. Can't consider ANYTHING else and devote everything to getting better somehow so I can at least do other things, like have a family. Agh, the thought of it would be intimidating minus the CFS! And what if the pregnancy triggers a relapse, or what if my children end up having it somehow. What if I can't muster the strength to take care of my own children? So maybe plans for being a successful, driven person may have to fall to the wayside in pursuit of other goals. Hm. I will just have to learn to be OK with that at some point I guess.

Anyway, like I said, don't know why I torture myself with these things! Should have simply not googled it when the thought struck me. I still have 5ish years to really start worrying about it I guess. Who knows what will happen by that point. 


Jo said...

Exactly, who knows what will happen? I do know, however, from my reading, that if you get CFS when you are young you are more likely to recover. It is natural to be thinking about the future and wondering what it will hold.

Try not to worry. Life has all sorts of possibilities and your illness has blessed you with a wisdom and thoughtfulness beyond your years. Concentrate on recovery and all the rest will follow. :-)

upnorth said...

Oh yes, I know these thoughts. I, too am a "planner". I think it comes from being goal-orriented. On small piece of advice I'd give (take it or leave it)...set a goal that you could probably acheive whether you stay sick or not. That way if it takes a while to get better you don't leave a trail of broken dreams/goals along the way.

I know of a few people who've had kids and M.E./CFS and managed (with help of friends and partner and family). Not ONE of them regrets having there's definately hope there too!

DolceVita said...

Thanks Jo and Upnorth :)

I've definitely had to suppress my ridiculous "planner" instincts because it just stresses me out and gets me nowhere (because, as I've learned the hard way, can't plan for anything with this!) Accomplished by just not thinking beyond the next few days heh. Maybe not super healthy, but oh well.

Dominique said...

I agree with Jo. I think it is an innate part of being human to hope for marriage and children. I also think it is innate in use to just ... hope. Without it we would not survive the daily obstacles we have to overcome.

I also agree with upnorth. If you can build a past with victories that are small, they will support you when you go after a victory that is bigger - like being pregnant at some point.