Sunday, August 15, 2010


I sometimes think a lot of the "moving forward" part of our lives depends quite a bit on acceptance. Acceptance of what is, acceptance of what isn't (and how very much there isn't!), acceptance of our limitations, acceptance of the uncertain future. I'd like to think that a lot of my feeling slowly better over the last, gosh 8 months is it (?!), has to do with my acceptance of my current state. Yes, I'm sick. Yes, I have to admit temporary (hopefully) defeat and rest. But it's all so unnatural and counter-intuitive! Our natural resilience and urge to fight back prevents us from doing so. I mean, who really wants to admit defeat? It's like laying down in the middle of a busy street and deciding that whatever happens happens. It's relinquishing control over our lives to the forces that be. But it's the only thing that ever helps in the long run I think. Admitting to ourselves that no matter what we do, we can't do it all, and in the end it only makes things worse. So I've accepted that, and I'm ok with it. I've mourned the loss of the "now"; it's a worthy sacrifice for good health.  And I think now I'm working on accepting that the future I imagined for myself before I got sick might never come to be either, which will be (yes, yes, it will, I have to remind myself) OK too. It can be just as fulfilling, just in a different way. So, I'm mourning that now and coming to accept it (I've even be able to voice my concerns about it out loud to a few people; quite a step forward I think since I couldn't before without become too overcome with emotion). But it will all be OK, one way or another! I truly believe that (really, what other choice do I have?). Anyway, just some thoughts rolling around in my head. Hopefully all this acceptance of the future and whatnot will help the improvement process as well somehow.

I also think, maybe, just maybe, that I've reached a point where my tiredness from the low level of activity I do is due to more of muscle deconditioning than pure CFS alone. So I think it's time to bump up my level of physical activity before I become too lumpy. I think I might pull out some very very light weights I have. Maybe...I might wait a few weeks to really feel out the situation.

Also! I went to a concert last night! Blues legends BB King and Buddy Guy. First concert I went to in a loooong time. Tiring, but quite wonderful. It felt good to be out amongst people, listening to amazing music. Really, it felt good to be alive, and I haven't felt that so deeply in a long while. I'll admit it, I got a bit teary eyed. :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Recovery Stories, Legs-Up-the-Wall, and other things

I've disappeared off of blogger for a few weeks. Been a bit bummed after reading that article about CFS and pregnancy and have been pointlessly brooding over my future. Too much going on in the ol' noggin so I decided to take a break from CFS everywhere else I guess. But anyway, hope everyone's doing well (or, as well as possible, you know)!

In hopes of counteracting all the broodiness, I searched through Amazon and found this book -- Recovery from CFS - 50 Personal Stories by Alexandra Barton

The FedEx guy just came, and I ran (well...sort of) after him to get it before he left. Woops! Ouchie. But worth it, I think! I just read the Introduction, called "Elephant and M.E." a nice description of what it feels like to have CFS (click link for online version).  And so, I'm very very excited to read this book. It's a collection of stories from people who recovered from CFS from all over the world, how they did it, their suggestions (doctors, tests, techniques, etc). If I can't be positive on my own, I will just have to force positivity on myself from elsewhere!

I also read up on this mild, "restorative" yoga position ("Legs-Up-the-Wall" <-- click for description of how-to) that's supposed to help your body/heart cleanse/oxygenate your blood a bit better (and supposedly boosts the immune system, though I don't necessarily buy that part). You sit against the wall and put your legs up and hold it for 5-20 minutes, whatever you can do (longer the better). I sort of cheat and find a corner so it props me up on one side. It drains the blood from your legs towards your heart, and also towards your brain (good since we spend more time with blood flowing away from the brain). Now, I've been trying it for the last 2 weeks, especially after I do something more tiring, and I feel like my recovery time from said activity is a little faster. Or I'm just crazy. Maybe someone else can try it over a few days or so and see if they notice a difference too??